Topic: ITT we post stories about defecating.
I had visited my friend who lived in Ohio. They had moved to Ohio from Alabama in the south, so all they eat is
fried foods with potatos or beans. I had a shy colon at the time and couldn't shit for THREE DAYS! On the morning of
the fourth day, I knew something bad was going to happen. We had grits and bacon for breakfast and I thought I was
going to die from stomach pains. We left around 10am, around 11:30 we were just outside Indianapolis when I realized I
COULDNT WAIT! I told my dad he needed to find a place to pull over. He pulled over and into the parking lot of a Waffle
If you've never been inside a Waffle House, they are as close to hell as you are likely to find. They smell like
stale cigarettes and desperation. If woman aborted children in the booths the place couldn't be more depressing. They
are filthy hives of disease. In fact, every time a biological outbreak occurs near a Waffle House, the CDC raze the
building just to be sure.
I stumbled through the entrance doors and tried to find the bathrooms. I make it to the Mens room and burst in.
Unfortunately, there is a fat redneck in the ONE stall in the entire Mens room. Apparently Waffle House will serve you
burned coffee by the gallon, pounds of greasy bacon, and plates FILLED with pancakes, but not give you 2 places to shit
in one building.
Nothing was stopping this shit however. I pulled down my pants and went to the urinal. There I was with my ass
pointed at a urinal, both my hands pressed up against the thin, steel privacy walls. The beginning was disgusting. One
long, high fart followed by the pressure of a crushed garden hose far past it's pressure rating. Shit literally
EXPLODED out of me, striking not just the standing porcelain of the urinal, but the wall behind it as well AND both of
the privacy walls. I must have had an arc of shit of about 115 degrees from my anus. The smell was proof of their not
being a god, for surely no just creator would inflict such an odor without provocation. It smelled of sulfur and hate,
and possibly the unique bouquet that only rotting, overly ripe, overly sweet fruits can produce. After about 20 seconds
of this hell on earth, there was complete silence.
Suddenly, the hillbilly in the stall started coughing, then gagging. The sound of his metal belt buckle clattering
against the floor as he desperately pulls up his pants and the sounds of a hurried flush are heard before he rockets
out of the stall. He has his hand against the left side of his face, whether to avoid making eye contact or to somehow
screen out the horrors of my miasma of shit, I still have no idea.
I couldn't really be bothered with a more thorough investigation of his actions, however, because as soon as he
opened the stall door, large, golf ball sized demons erupted from my anus. Truly, the second level of Hell was trying
to force its way to Earth from my colon. Pain like I had never experienced before tore my breath away as a dozen
shitballs pinged off the urinal and onto the floor, to roll around and form a minefield for my trapped bathroom
companion. I was sobbing as he reached the door and tried desperately to push it open. His frantic attempts to escape
culminated when he tried to LITERALLY kick the door open. When he reared back and lifted his leg, he slipped on the
liquid filth that infests all Waffle House bathrooms; a mix of week old piss, sweat, grease, and wasted ejaculate. The
sudden jolt mixed with landing hard onto a few shitballs broke his will, and he started vomiting and crying.
Finally my shit was nearing its end, as a long pillar of shit that hung from my ass to just below my knee broke off
and hit the floor with a thud. The Waffle House manager chose this time to appear, no longer able to ignore the cries
of what the patrons assumed to be a rape/murder/suicide. I hobbled to the towel dispenser and cleaned off as best I
could with my legs shaking like a new born fawn.
I took off my pants and underwear, which were ruined, and left the Waffle House with my head held low as the smell
of shit had cut through even the most vile smells a Waffle House could produce, and left nearly all the customers in a
gagging, seizing fit as they rushed for the door.